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In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, LORD, make me dwell in safety. Psalm 4:8 "Sometimes, the most holy thing you can do is take a nap." I heard this in college - it seemed like a somewhat funny saying that carried some truth. A nice quip to share with students once I was working in campus ministry and teaching them how to rest and take a Sabbath. And then, I became a mom and my world turned upside down. As my firstborn entered the scene, I resisted sleep. I wanted to maintain what I had pre-kids - free time, time with my husband, a clean home and a workout routine. And so whenever my baby slept, I remained wide-eyed, frantically trying to finish the tasks I so desperately wanted to complete. And I was left drained, sleep-deprived, desperate for control. I was a shell of myself and a "mom-bie" if there ever was one. I am realizing even as I write this that my sleep strike originated in stubbornness and pride. I was refusing to submit to the season of life that the Lord had me in, resisting His will and His way. And so, I suffered for it - physically, relationally, spiritually - because I was beyond tired for months at a time, if not years. With each baby I've done a little bit better - taking naps, going to bed early, realizing that the need for sleep is innate and relinquishing my fight against God's design of our bodies. My sleep journey has been one of learning dependence - day by day learning to surrender my schedule for the sake of rest, for the sake of remaining healthy and living in the shalom God intended for me. "Sometimes, the most holy thing you can do is take a nap." I can now declare: this statement is true. It is revolutionary and life-changing as a mom. The choice to sleep can be total surrender, a sacrifice offered to God. This is what the decision to sleep communicates to God: "I am dependent on you, God. I cease my working and my striving. I choose to live within my limits - this body that binds me and needs to rest. I release my burdens and worries, leaving my life to You while I sleep." Sleep is dependence at its finest - complete and total surrender. In a culture where we crave control, where we pride ourselves on our productivity, we must resist the idols of independence and self-sufficiency. We must shut down our devices, shut our eyes, and shut out the world - this can be the most holy and humble choice of all. Will you join me in depending on God with your sleep schedule today?

And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 3:18 Motherhood has been like a mirror for my soul, revealing what truly resides in my heart. It has shaken me and stretched me beyond myself, forcing my sin and shortcomings to bubble up to the surface. My kids are the cutest little vessels by which the Lord has chosen to sanctify me. I've realized along the journey of motherhood that I am desperate for this sanctification that Jesus works in me through my kids. I might even need my kids more than they need me... -I need my kids to interrupt me - to remind me that my time is not my own, and that sometimes interruptions are God's intervention. -I need them to splatter food on the walls and spill milk on the floor so that I remember that all of this is temporary, and this world is not my home. -I need my kids to drive me crazy, forcing me to reckon with my own impatience, anger, and lack of self-control. -I need them to wake me up at night and rise early in the morning to remind me that it is God who grants sleep and sustains me. -I need them to slow me down, to cure me of my tendency to hurry so that I notice the people and things that the Lord has placed in my path. -I need them to pull my hair and climb all over me and spit up on my clothes to humble me and protect me from my pride. -I need my kids to drive me to my knees over and over again so I won't forget my dependence on the Lord, my inability to do motherhood on my own. I've realized that what I desire isn't necessarily what I need. What I desire is "peace" and quiet, more time alone, the next season or stage, or a different schedule. What I need is more time with the Lord, a thankful heart, an eternal perspective, and daily dependence on the Lord in the midst of the chaos. Jesus satisfies my deepest desires when I come to Him instead of fighting for my own superficial wants/"needs." I thank God for these girls who are forcing me to loosen my grip on all the things that don't really matter and are aiding me in my growth from glory to glory. The Holy Spirit will not waste this season - He is forming us into the image of Jesus with every interaction we have with our children. May we turn to Him in this hard and holy work and allow Him to use our children to shape and mold us. How we need Him (and our kids!) to sanctify us through and through!

If dependence is the ultimate goal in all things, then everything changes. Anything that causes us to depend becomes our friend. The many sacrifices of motherhood. Hard seasons in marriage. Difficult in-laws. Working. Resting. Friendships. Health conditions. Finances. Burdens become blessings because they drive us to our knees and to the Father. Weaknesses are welcomed because they remind us that we are needy, they keep us relying on Him for all things. We see our lives through a new lens when we desire dependence: we are grateful even for the hardships we once despised. We are able to accept what God has given, trusting that He knows what is best and will carry us through. Trusting that is more blessed to walk in dependence than in self-reliance. If we are desperate for dependence, for more of Jesus....everything changes. Motherhood involves less sulking and more surrender. Marriage becomes more about serving than selfishness. We are more concerned with intimacy with the Father than self-sufficiency. So may dependence be our new definition of success. May it be the highest goal, our deepest desire, our greatest prize - and may it truly change everything as we walk in weakness and depend on Jesus for all things.

There’s a fresh surge of self-sufficiency rising up around this time of year. The subtle lies snake their way across screens and into souls: “This is your year!” “You can do anything!” Disguised as resolutions is this rush of self-reliance; this desire to do it all, perform, perfect and achieve. I convince myself we are going to have the healthiest, most fun, family-oriented, God-centered year EVER. And I’m going to be the best mom EVER this year ;) It seems innocent and noble enough. But with each resolution on my list, my heart drifts from dependence on God and I start to feel in a way…invincible. Self-sufficient. It’s exhilarating - this illusion that I am in control. And it leaves me making plans without praying. Making lists without listening to God. Making goals without considering my soul. Making resolutions without releasing my desires. This year, I’m trying something different - rethinking my resolutions, reordering the process and relinquishing control. I’m going to pray before I make any plans. I’m going to delay the lists and goals and start by bending my knees, depending and surrendering, asking God this question: “What do you have for me in 2024?” And I’m going to actually take the time to sit and listen and be with God as we start this year. I’m intrigued and hesitant and frightened and excited all at the same time - but I'm expecting God to speak! I'd love for you to join me! How I'm processing the old & new as we start the year: Perceive Ask God: How do you perceive my past year? Ask yourself: How did I grow in 2023? What did I grieve last year (tangible or intangible - loss, transition, unmet expectations, unfulfilled desires)? Receive Ask God: What do you have for me in 2024? Ask yourself: What do I need to release so that I can receive what God has for me? (expectations, uses of time/money/energy, dreams, desires, plans) Believe Ask God: What dreams do you want to conceive in my heart in the coming year? Ask yourself: What am I believing God for in 2024?

“But Mary treasured up all of these things and pondered them in her heart.” Luke 2:19 It would’ve been easy for Mary to cower in fear as she nurtured baby Jesus - he was in danger from day one when Herod learned of his birth and desired to rid the earth of him. His death had been prophesied about centuries prior, and the future held many unknowns for Mary and Joseph as they welcomed Jesus into the world. And yet in the midst of recovery and uncertainty and worshippers, we find this verse cradled in Luke 2:19: “But Mary treasured up all of these things and pondered them in her heart.” We find Mary pondering the present moment - the visitors, the silence of her sleeping newborn, his gaze and growing body, his miraculous presence. She received the gift of time - trusting God enough to savor the moments she was given with Jesus. In treasuring her time, Mary treasured God himself - His gifts, His goodness, the wonder of it all. Mary beheld the face of her baby boy and her season of motherhood, and in doing so she beheld the face of God. I'm often so tempted to rush through life, always looking to the next big thing rather than receiving the present moment: the time that God is gifting me with Him and those around me. Often I find myself scrolling instead of beholding - spending time on screens instead of abiding in Jesus. I find myself worrying and hurrying instead of resting in God and enjoying my children. I find myself trying to force the memories instead of treasuring what is already happening: the abundance God is handing me as I resist and refuse. In this world of hustle, we can take back our time through treasuring - storing up moments like fireflies in a jar. Through treasuring, simple moments become sacred. We discover God’s beauty in our children’s faces, their eyes aglow with wonder at the world around them. We sense His presence even in the midst of the mundane and the daily duties. And our eyes grow wide in wonder, too, as we press into the present moment and His presence. We exchange comparison and regret for remembrance and awe. May Jesus turn our eyes towards heaven this Christmas and help us to pause and ponder all that He is and all that He has given. And as we treasure Jesus, may there be a trickle down effect that allows us to treasure all else that is good and beautiful - the miracle of motherhood and life itself. Ask yourself: How are you receiving the time God has given you? When you have time to fill, what is your go-to distraction? What is something you want to treasure and remember about your current season of motherhood? Action step: Sometime between now and the New Year, turn off your phone for 24 hours to practice treasuring your time! (I'm already trying to think of excuses to keep my phone on and around...but I know it will be worth it to unplug!)

"Mary stayed with Elizabeth for about three months and then returned home." (Luke 1:56) God did not send Mary into motherhood alone. He gave her the gift of spending time with Elizabeth, her cousin (pregnant with the baby whom we know as John the Baptist), as the two embarked on their miraculous journeys of motherhood. He orchestrated the timing of Mary and Elizabeth's pregnancies so that these two mamas could share three months together as they prepared to deliver two extraordinary baby boys into the world. Though separated by age, life experience, and distance, they held motherhood in common and this bonded them together in a beautiful way. I have no doubt they laughed together. They cried together. They prayed together. They processed together. They dreamed together. They encouraged one another. They considered who their babies would become and they commiserated over pregnancy symptoms. They confided hopes and fears in one another. How beautiful that God did not leave Mary and Elizabeth in isolation as they navigated pregnancy and prepared to welcome their babies into the world. His heart was for them to do motherhood in community, as it is for us. God did not intend motherhood to be a solo sport! And so we must be intentional in receiving “our people” - those God has placed around us to be our "running buddies" in the marathon of motherhood. It is wonderful and necessary to have mentor mamas to look up to - to receive their wisdom and learn what motherhood looks like in the season ahead. It is good to share advice and encouragement with those who are one step behind us on their motherhood journeys. But to share life with another mama in your season, to crawl through the trenches together - that is a gift from God; a true grace and treasure. We must resist the urge to run alone in the name of ease or busy-ness or being an "independent spirit." There are some blessings we will never receive until we learn to lean into community, depending daily on Jesus and others. God wants to build us up, encourage us, strengthen us and give us fullness of joy, and I believe he uses community as a conduit of these blessings. My prayer is that we would learn to live in dependence as we receive the mamas that God has placed in our lives for this season. May God grant each one of us the gift of a Mary-Elizabeth friendship in our season of motherhood. And may we not take that friend for granted, but may we bless her and build her up as we march this marathon together. Ask yourself: Do you have a Mary-Elizabeth friend in your current season of motherhood? How can you bless her this Christmas? How can you further cultivate community in your daily life, depending more deeply on your people? Action step: Invite a friend along to run an errand, wrap gifts or help you do a house project. Why do alone what you could do together?

"Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!" Luke 1:45 The promise of all promises is where the Christmas story really begins: a Savior would come! God would send a Messiah! He gave this promise as a gift to His people long before Mary walked the earth, and they clung to this promise through hardship and years of waiting. But this promise of old became very personal for Mary because SHE was the one through whom the promise would be fulfilled - the chosen mother of the Messiah. It was no longer a distant promise or one meant for another virgin - it was her promise. This promise was costly: it could get Mary killed under claims of adultery. It could come between her and her future husband. It would change the course of her life. And Mary's initial response? "I am the Lord's servant...May your word to me be fulfilled" (Luke 1:38). Mary did not run. She did not resist or refuse. Rather, she released her own plans and dreams. In humility, she received the inconceivable words of God that were still ringing in her ears. She believed that this promise given to God's people generations before was also personal to her. And as Mary greeted her cousin, Elizabeth exclaimed: "Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!" (Luke 1:45). In her belief, Mary was blessed - with joy, with peace, with the privilege of carrying the promised Messiah. I don't always receive the promises of God like Mary did. I sometimes distance myself from His promises, finding them easier to believe for others than for myself. I sometimes run away from them, trying to find my identity in places other than God and His Word. And so when I look at Mary, I find myself wondering...do I trust God enough to allow His promises to become personal to me? Do I believe Him when He tells me who I am, who He is, the hope that I have in Him? Do I receive these things for myself or resist them? God promises us many things in His Word: Peace (Isaiah 26:3, Philippians 4:7, John 14:27) Joy (1 Peter 1:8-9) Power (2 Timothy 1:7) We are never alone (Psalm 23:4) We will not be shaken (Psalm 125:1) Life to the full (John 10:10) Fruitfulness (John 15:5) Strength (Psalm 46:1-3) Rest (Matthew 11:28-29) Guidance (Isaiah 40:11, John 14:26) Provision (Genesis 22:14) Freedom (2 Corinthians 3:17) Purpose in all things (Romans 8:28, Psalm 139) The Holy Spirit as our seal and deposit (Ephesians 1:13-14) Intercession on our behalf (Romans 8:26-27;34) Justification (Romans 5:9) Identity as a child of God (Romans 8:16-17) Wisdom (Proverbs 2:6, James 1:5) Removal of our sins (Psalm 103:12) Enduring Love (Psalm 136:1) Eternal Life (1 Peter 1:3-4, Revelation 22:12) These promises (and exceedingly and abundantly more!) are what God wants to give us through Christmas, through Jesus. He wants these promises to permeate our hearts as we journey through motherhood and life. The one thing these promises hinge on is TRUST. Belief. Dependence on Jesus. God's character remains unchanged whether we believe Him or not, but we will only receive all that He wants to give us when we trust in Him, depending daily and deeply on Jesus. May we receive God's promises this Christmas - I believe that we will be blessed as we do so, just as Mary was. Ask yourself: Is it difficult for you to believe the promises of God for yourself? Why or why not? Which promise of God feels the most distant from you in this season? Action step: Find a verse to remind yourself that the promise that feels most distant is personal to YOU. Put it somewhere you will see it often (in the car, by the kitchen sink, or on your bathroom mirror).

Have you ever wondered…why was Mary the one chosen to carry the Messiah? Out of thousands of virgins over the course of hundreds of years God handpicked Mary to carry His Son, calling her “highly favored” (Luke 1:28). Why her? I believe we find our answer in “Mary’s Song” (Luke 1:46-55) where she expresses her heart in the midst of pregnancy and the unknown of her future. She sings, “My soul glorifies the LORD and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant…He has brought down rulers from their thrones but has lifted up the humble.” (Luke 1:46-48, 52) Even as she received the privilege of carrying God's Son (which did not make her life easier but rather far more difficult and complicated), Mary was humble. Her dependence on God prepared her to receive her assignment from Him. She called herself “the Lord’s servant” and submitted herself to God's plan: “May your word to me be fulfilled” (Luke 1:38). Mary thought of herself as lowly and God as holy, and this positioned Mary perfectly to receive what God wanted to give her. Over the next four weeks, we’ll dive into Mary’s story - learning from her dependence on God and how she received from Him as she entered into motherhood. What about you - are you ready to receive this Christmas? I often find it hard to receive as a mom. I find it easy to take care of everyone's needs, a subtle sense of self-sufficiency underlying my productivity. I find it easy to ramble my list of requests to God, certain I know what’s best for myself and my children. I find it easy to serve and host and give - but to pause and be still, giving my attention to Jesus when there is so much to do? That feels much more difficult, sometimes even impossible. My pride, my desire for independence, my insatiable craving for “me time” - they all leave me resisting time with Jesus and refusing to receive what God wants to give me, what I really need: His joy, His peace, more of Him. This Advent season, I’m asking God to humble me so that I might be prepared to receive Him and all that He wants to give me. I believe that in our bending low and depending and surrendering this Christmas, we will be positioned to receive from God - and I trust that He will give us more than we could ever ask for or imagine. Ask yourself: What is your heart posture as we enter the Advent season? Are you walking in self-sufficiency or trusting that Jesus is sufficient for you? What are you depending on Jesus for in your current season of motherhood? Action step: Take five minutes to sit and be with Jesus today. Ask Him to humble and prepare your heart to receive Him this Christmas.

We are celebrating our seventh wedding anniversary TODAY! What a gift. And around this time of year, I always get nostalgic about our wedding day (and I force Blake to watch our wedding day video with me while I cry). And when I remember our wedding day and the feeling of being a bride, I am reminded that we as believers are the Bride of Christ. This is what Jesus calls us: His Church, His Bride. A bride is cherished, loved, honored, redeemed. She is protected, secure, provided for. She is beautiful, cherished, celebrated, and beaming. She has great hope for the future, dreams for the life that lays ahead. Her eyes are full of light, and she illuminates every room she enters. She lives loved; she knows her value and worth: the Groom desires her deeply and gives himself for her, to her. She is not ashamed, she is not condemned, she does not live in fear. "She is clothed with strength and dignity, she can laugh at the days to come" (Proverbs 31:25). She is radiant. We so often forget our identity in Christ; the way He sees us. We must sit in the presence of Jesus to reclaim our identity as the Bride of Christ. We must seek Him and listen to Him and ask to be reminded of who we are - for our own sake and the sake of our children. I know that I would mother differently if I could grasp His love for me more fully. In the past month I've started praying Ephesians 3 over my children nightly: "And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord's holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God" (Ephesians 6:17-19). I'm reminded today that I need to pray this for myself too: that I need His power in order to know His love; to understand it and grasp it and experience it and live into it. How we need this love that changes everything to transform our hearts and heal us and bless us so that we may beam like the Bride that we are; so that we may put this Love on display to our children. This prayer in Ephesians 3 ends this way: "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen" (Ephesians 3:20-21). May He revive us today and remind us how it feels to be a Bride. And as we claim our true identity in Him, may He do immeasurably more in and through us than all we could ever ask or imagine.

"Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ." Philippians 1:27 Millions of mothers have endured the trials and hardships that accompany child bearing and rearing. The sleeplessness, the physical pain and suffering, the whining, tantrums and transitions. The sustaining and caring for, and the letting go as they grow. "You just do it," they say - and somehow, we do. We push through, we endure, we make it to the other side of hard seasons. But for us as followers of Jesus, how can we set ourselves apart from the world? How will others see Him through our mothering? We will not be set apart IF we endure through motherhood, but rather by HOW we do so. This is an encouraging thought as we consider the mundane responsibilities of motherhood as well as the more trying seasons - it's not just about what we are doing (whether it be cleaning, changing a diaper, nursing, or something altogether different), but the manner in which we are doing it - the manner matters. Will we walk out motherhood in a manner worthy of the Gospel of Christ? This is what makes all the difference. We must consider: Our facial expressions as we look at our children and our chores. Our demeanor - is it one of anxiety or peace? Contentment or grumbling? Our tone as we speak to our children and spouses. The manner by which we go about our days - Are we purposeful and patient? Or are we hurried? Lazy? We can spread the aroma of Christ through our intentionality as we care for neighboring mamas and friends. We can shine the light of Jesus as we open our homes in hospitality and in how we present ourselves with authenticity, without trying to project a certain image. Of course, we cannot do any of this in our own strength. We must depend on Jesus daily to help us mother in a manner worthy of the Gospel. We must ask the Holy Spirit for His power, wisdom and grace; we must pray and plead that the fruit of the Spirit would abound through our mothering. May we emulate the Proverbs 31 woman as we go about our lives and motherhood: "She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness...Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised" (Proverbs 31:25-27, 30). May the world notice this army of mothers rising up - brightening the world in the name of Jesus, raising up the next generation of Jesus-followers. In the mundane and the monotonous (as well as in the miraculous) we are bearing His Name. May the manner in which we mother beam bright, shining a spotlight on Jesus that others (including our children) might see His beauty and goodness.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34 It feels as though worry is wired into us, especially as mothers. We have good intentions but, I’ll speak for myself - my thoughts seem to spiral pretty quickly. What starts as a single, minor worry spins into a whole cascade of questions, anxieties, unknowns, and fears. I have started to ask myself a question whenever my thoughts start to wander into the “what ifs” and anxiety begins rising in my chest: “Is this worthy of my worry?” The answer is usually (if not always) “no.” Is it worthy of a prayer? Probably. But worry? Anxiety? Fixation? No. Jesus told us many times: “Do not worry about your life…” “Do not be afraid!” And what is worry but unrealized fear swirling in circles, the what ifs reverberating through the myelin in our minds? Could it actually be disobedient to worry? To consider all of the possible outcomes as if God is not in control, as if He is unaware of my circumstances? If we are to escape this debilitating cycle, our worry must give way to worship. We must raise our hands in praise, releasing our worries and prying our fingers from the sense of control we so desperately cling to. We must “be transformed by the renewing of our minds,” allowing the Scriptures and the Spirit to inform and direct our thoughts rather than our worries (Romans 12:2). We must cultivate our thought lives carefully, fighting to think on what is “true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy” (Philippians 6:8). We must channel our worries into prayers - “present[ing] [our] requests to God, and the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard our hearts and our minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6). May our tendency to worry drive us to our knees before the throne of grace - that we might cover every part of our lives and our children’s lives with prayer. That we might repent of our worry-filled habits and instead “seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness” - because He is faithful to provide everything we need as we do so (Matthew 6:33). Your worries are not worthy of taking up your time, thought space, and attention - but He is always worthy of your worship. May our worries give way to worship that we might experience greater joy and peace in Jesus - the only One who sustains and satisfies.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30 Jesus knows the depths of our weariness and the burdens we are carrying as moms. He knows the state of our hearts, the amount of sleep debt we have been accumulating, the size of the latest pile of laundry, and the difficulties of discipling our children. And He offers us rest - but first, we must come to Him. We must come to Him sin-stained and broken, snot on our shirts and bags under our eyes. We must come to Him despite the hustle and chaos, the noise that never seems to end. We must come to Him in the middle of the night or whenever our schedule allows - even if we have only moments (or seconds) to meet with Him. In Psalm 91, the psalmist writes, "Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty" (Psalm 91:1). When we dwell in Jesus - making Him our hiding place and refuge instead of running to distractions or indulgences - He will give us the rest that we so desperately need. This rest may not be what we imagine or hope for - it might not include a "quiet time" or a lack of interruption. It might not involve a full night of sleep, at least for a season. Jesus gives us rest in the midst of motherhood, in the messiness and mundane. He gives us rest in our reality. We always have a choice and an opportunity to come to Jesus - to abide, to reside, to dwell, and to remain in Him - no matter what is going on around us. We can come to Jesus in the quietness of our hearts, acknowledging His presence despite a toddler's tantrum. We can commune with Him in prayer as we wash and fold and wipe. We can invite Him into every task, not rushing or wishing our days away but doing all things unto Him. He alone can grant true rest - the One who calms storms and multiplies and supplies and upholds us in the palm of His hand. The One who has numbered the hairs on our heads and ordains our days knows our needs in each season of our lives and how to fulfill them. Jesus is waiting for you to come - He sits in the living room of your heart ready for you to join Him. Will you choose to dwell in Jesus today in spite of the distractions and duties that surround you? May we forsake all other medicines and means of "resting" for the true rest offered in Jesus - the One whose yoke is easy and burden is light. As we come to Him again and again, He will refresh, restore, and revive us, giving us what we need for each day.