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For the Spirit God gave us does not make us fear but gives us power, love and self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7 I hope I'm not alone when I say that fear feels like a frequent visitor on the journey of motherhood. I fear for my children - for their safety, their friendships, their futures, their hearts. I fear we won't have enough family time as they grow older. I fear for our finances. I fear for my own future - what will I do when my children are gone? Our fears can range from rational to ridiculous. But what they all have in common is that they confine us, keeping us from experiencing freedom in Christ and crowding out peace. God has more in store for us - if we will flee from fear and take hold of our identity in Christ. Paul reminds us in Romans 8, "The Spirit you received does not make you slaves so that you live in fear again; rather the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by Him we cry, 'Abba, Father'" (v. 14-15). God has released us from slavery - we must claim our identity as children of God and cling to Him. Instead of crying out in fear, we cry out, "Father! Help me!" We must concede that we have been adopted, flee from sin, and refute the lies of the enemy. In releasing our fear, we can lean into all that God has for us: life to the full and the comfort of our Father. We have power in this matter, authority in the name of Jesus because we are His children, His heirs. We are not victims - we are victors. We are not held captive - we are captors of fear and the lies of the enemy and anything that takes a stand against the fullness of life that is in Christ. "For the Spirit God gave us does not make us fear but gives us power, love, and self-discipline." (2 Timothy 1:7). We must turn our list of fears into a declaration of faith, a proclamation of freedom. We have power because the Holy Spirit dwells in us and our Father calls us His own. Jesus Himself is interceding for us at the right hand of the Father. We have the fruit of the Spirit growing and abounding in us - including that of self-control, the ability to be disciplined in our thought life. And a note on love: "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment" (1 John 4:18). Do I really believe it is true - his love is perfect? When I fear and fret it's because I forget: His love endures forever. His grace is sufficient for me (even in my weakness...especially in my weakness). I believe the fraud of the enemy: I must perform. I must be in control, perfecting my parenting and my life and the lives of my kids. There is no fear when we believe that Jesus is who He says He is, when we believe he told the truth when he breathed his last breath: "It is finished." There is no fear when we trust that His ways are higher than our ways, His thoughts higher than ours (Isaiah 55:8-9). So may fear take ground in our hearts and minds no more. May it cease to crowd out peace. May it have no hold on our children - may anxiety find its home elsewhere. May our fears drive us to the arms of our Father as we depend on Him daily for freedom. Fear has no place when we are living in His grace. A prayer against fear and for freedom: Father, forgive me for walking in fear instead of in faith. May fear flee in the name of Jesus. In His name I rebuke the lies of the enemy. Holy Spirit, fill me with your fullness, that there would be no room left for fear to live here. Father, remind me of your truth - I am your daughter. I am held, and your perfect love casts out fear. I claim power, love and self-discipline because your Spirit dwells in me. Help me to remember who You are and who I am in you. In Jesus' name, Amen

Recently, my two "big" girls (4 and 2 at the time) were "helping" me unload the dishwasher. This involved them wiping off the dishes and either handing them to me or precariously balancing them on the edge of the counter. The dishes weren't fully dried, and many of the cups my daughters handed to me slipped out of their tiny hands back into the dishwasher. Honestly, they're making this more difficult for me, I thought with a smile as I watched them earnestly trying to help with this chore. My girls beamed with pride as they "helped" me; they felt so important and useful. I realized in that moment that I am like my girls as I "help" God. He doesn't need my help - He is completely self-sufficient and more than able - but he asks me to partner with Him anyways. He chooses to use me, to build me up, to train me in His ways to make me more useful instead of just doing His work on His own. What a patient Father we have, that He would invite us into the process of bringing His Kingdom to earth! He empowers US that we might participate in ministry with Him. He could do it instantaneously, without even uttering a word, but instead gives us the gift of partnering with Him. And He has even greater purpose as we "help" Him - He purifies and perfects us, pruning us to make us more fruitful. He's working on us as we work with Him in all of our weakness and insufficiency. Just as I let my girls "help" me, so does the Lord allow us into His Kingdom mission. We are completely dependent on Him even as we serve Him. How beautiful that He gives us a sense of purpose and pride in partnering with Him. I'm thankful for this God who invites us in and propels us into Kingdom work despite our shortcomings. What a good and loving Father we have!

But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31 I remember when my middle daughter was around eighteen months old and wanted to do everything on her own - "I got it!" she would proclaim repeatedly, attempting actions way beyond her ability. She was determined to do things independently and refused any help, but this often left her crying on the ground when she failed. And isn't this just how we are, too? "I got it!" We might declare we need God with our lips, but with our lives we often deny His help, refusing to depend on Him. We live predominantly independent lives, attempting to control it all and hold everything together. Instead of trusting in God, we are trusting in ourselves. I have been guilty of this again and again - mothering my girls in self-sufficiency. Turning inward for motivation, for happiness, for strength. Turning to lots of sources, tuning out the Source of all things. And I can promise you it never leads to to anything good - I find myself spinning on a hamster wheel; going nowhere and gaining nothing. Running ragged and trying to control all of the outcomes, pouring out to my kids from my own depletion. Wouldn't recommend it. I have found that self-sufficiency leaves us in survival mode (defined as "continuous, unresolved stress") because it all rides on us. I have found the better Way to be counterintuitive, to be subtle and surprising. It involves walking in weakness and making the decision every day to depend on Jesus. This is where where we will find what we truly need for the marathon of motherhood. Here are a few blessings that we receive when we walk in trust and dependence rather than attempting to be self-sufficient: We will be strengthened - "But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint" (Isaiah 40:31). We will be shepherded - "He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those who have young" (Isaiah 40:11). We will be surrounded - "Those who trust in the LORD are like Mount Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever. As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the LORD surrounds his people both now and forevermore" (Psalm 125:1-2). We will be sustained - "Cast your cares on the LORD and He will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken" (Psalm 55:22). We will be satisfied - "Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for mankind, for he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things" (Psalm 107:8-9). Will we accept these gifts from God, these blessings He wants to bestow upon us? It's not necessarily easy - this daily decision to walk in dependence. It's countercultural and goes against our natural bend. But if we will surrender and cease our strivings, choosing to depend, we will find God to provide in every way - and even beyond what we could ask for or imagine.

"Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything - all she had to live on." Mark 12:43-44 I was on my walk today feeling frustrated, flustered. I heard a podcast recently where the speaker was describing the spiritual disciplines of silence and solitude. He recounted how he went into the wilderness for an eight hour retreat, and how around the fifth hour he felt like the Lord spoke to him and met him in the time he had sacrificed. That sounds wonderful, I thought, tears forming in the corners of my eyes, but I don't have five hours. Maybe a couple of times a year I could get away from my kids, from everything, for that length of time (in the current stage we're in). I proceeded to pray: "God, I usually have about five minutes. Will you receive my offering? Will you fill the time that I am able to give to you?" God then reminded me of the widow who offered two coins - "all she had to live on" (Mark 12:44) - and how her offering was worth more than the gifts presented by everyone else, who gave out of their riches. He reminded me of the boy who offered his meager portions of bread and fish to Jesus, and in return witnessed a miracle of multiplication as Jesus fed thousands (John 6:1-14). In these two instances, we see that it's more about the humility of the heart in bringing the offering rather than the amount. It's more about the authenticity and surrender in the sacrifice than the size. As moms, it's about giving the sliver of time that we do have - mere seconds or minutes - and doing so willingly and faithfully. Jesus sees our limited time and resources, our full days, our weaknesses. Will we bring a sacrifice before Him - even if it's small? Will we offer ourselves - as little as we might feel there is left to give? It all comes back to daily dependence (and moment by moment dependence) on Jesus, entrusting Him with all we have because He is worthy. The smallest sacrifices are still worth making - He sees you in your sacrifice and will bless you as you give. He alone can multiply your time, treasure, and talent as you offer it willingly to Him.

"Nothing can separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38 I was writing love to my kids on the driveway this afternoon: “I <3 Eden,” “I <3 Josie,” “I <3 Kinley.” Eden thought she was so funny, pouring streams of water over every instance of her name. She would shriek and laugh as I came after her declaring, “I guess I have to write it again now!” This went on probably four or five times. She would erase, I would write. She would erase, I would write. It got me thinking: God’s love is written over our lives, over us, but not in chalk - in permanent marker. Our names are engraved on His nail-scarred hands (Isaiah 49:16). We are marked by the Holy Spirit; signed and sealed - "nothing can separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38). Try as we might to douse His love or run from it or reverse it, we will fail time and time again. He will write love on our lives again and again, and the ink with which He writes lasts for eternity - it cannot be removed. May we rest in His love and rejoice that He writes our names on the palm of His hand. We will never be forgotten or forsaken - we are seen, known, and loved. May we not forget it - may we live loved, depending on Jesus to remind us of the Truth and reminding our children daily of this Love that will never falter or fail.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6 It feels like my kids have been sick nonstop over the course of the past year. It seems that adding a third child into the mix has caused every sickness to circle around our family and stick around longer than we’d like. This has led to more time at home than I hoped for and countless cancelled playdates, but it has forced me to learn this lesson the hard way… Hold every plan with an open hand (every. single.plan.). Hold them lightly, surrender them willingly - for your plans are held by His hands. He knows what you need today. He knows what your child needs. He knows your stage and your season and your reasons. He cares about your desires - but he cares more deeply about your needs. And sometimes... you need to be interrupted. You need to be inconvenienced. You need to be reminded that you are not in control. It doesn’t feel good - in the moment, it’s hard to swallow. The fever, the meltdown, the nap schedule gone awry. The realization that the day is going in a different direction than originally intended. But His plan always reigns and rules - despite the day we envisioned for or the one that was our reality, His plan remains supreme. So may we stretch out our hands and surrender our schedules, relinquishing control and receiving His provision. We will find Him to be sufficient, giving us grace for each day, as we depend fully on Him.

"You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing." Psalm 16:2 There is this lie of the world that is the root of much discontentment and unrest: My satisfaction is directly related to my circumstances. As Christians we cannot claim that we always live above this lie. We are as guilty as the world of chasing the next thing, the newer thing, whatever will promise us more, better, or best. And as moms…we struggle. Our circumstances feel overwhelming, our schedules are constantly shifting, and the seasons stretch out before us. It is a daily battle for contentment and against comparison as we observe the lives of those around us both online and in person. It will do us good to read Psalm 16 and to be reminded of who God is and challenged to live resting and rejoicing in Him alone. David begins the Psalm, “I say to the Lord, ‘You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing,’” (Psalm 16:2). The words on our lips are important - Jesus reminds us in Matthew 12:34, “The mouth speaks what the heart is full of.” How do we speak and how does that reveal our intentions, our desires, our idols? We need to preach and proclaim this to ourselves without ceasing: “You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing.” David continues, “Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance” (v. 5-6). God is our Provider and Protector - security and satisfaction come only from Him. He has provided everything that I need for right now. He has not accidentally given what was supposed to be mine to someone else. What is our perspective as we look at our lives? Do we believe that the boundaries that God has put around us are “pleasant”? We are all limited in a variety of ways - we have been gifted specific strengths and weaknesses, finite capacities, bounded resources. Will we choose to live within our limits? With joy? Finally, David declares, “You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand” (v. 11). God wants to bless us - eternally, abundantly, joyfully. He does not keep good from us - He preserves good for us. He is not a God who withholds but One who satisfies fully and completely. Will we trust Him to do so? May we declare it with our lives and our lips alongside David: “You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing.”

"On the mountain of the Lord it will be provided." Genesis 22:14 We are in a season of waiting on the Lord in a few areas of life, specifically asking for His provision. We are praying, asking for wisdom, and reminding ourselves that we serve a God who holds all things in His hands. And yet, He is reminding me that I have a part to play, too. I am called to pray, yes, but also to participate - to take steps forward in obedience even if the destination isn’t clear, the outcomes are unknown, and sacrifices are required. I am realizing that we may have to do hard things before we see His provision - that we may have to persevere and muster up energy we didn’t foresee exerting as we climb the mountain before us. And this is not because God is withholding from us, but because He is calling us to greater trust, beckoning us to take a step out of the boat. He is not withholding but rather with us, holding us, growing and molding us. And really, if anyone is withholding anything it is us - withholding our trust, our resources, or hearts, our hands. Constantly grasping and trying to figure things out on our own rather than surrendering freely to the Father. And so we will continue to wait, but also to participate. To observe what God is doing but also to be obedient in what He is asking of us. Like Abraham climbing the mountain with his son - his only son, God’s promised son - the wood on his back, the tears streaming and throat catching and hands trembling. For us Mamas, the sacrifice asked of him was unthinkable, and yet Abraham trusted. He put one step in front of the other. And he saw God’s timely provision in exactly the form that was needed - a ram caught in the thicket. The ultimate relief and rejoicing. And then, there was blessing - abundance even above and beyond God’s perfect provision: “'I swear by myself', declares the LORD, 'that because you have done this and have not withheld your son, your only son, I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky…through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed, because you have obeyed me'" (Genesis 22:16-17) We see in Abraham’s story the ultimate outcome of obedience: blessing. His obedience impacted not only his own life but the lives of many to come - generations who would be fruitful and multiply and praise the Lord. Obedience yields provision, but even beyond that, favor and blessing and richness that we could not ask for or imagine (and I'm not necessarily talking wealth, although God can bless in that form if He so desires....no prosperity gospel here, folks. I'm thinking more like joy and peace and intimacy with the Father that comes only as we obey and seek His face). So here we stand, waiting and praying on the bottom of the mountain. Asking ourselves if we are withholding anything from God and wondering in what form His provision will arrive. Trusting that in our obedience and surrender, there will be blessing and abundance to come. May we take this same posture in our motherhood: surrendering all things to the Lord (even our children!!!) and trusting that the Lord is Jehovah Jireh, the God who provides. I trust that we will see His blessing as we trust and obey. “Trust and obey, for there's no other way to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.” (John H. Sammis, “Trust and Obey”)

I sent her my sincere apology that another job opportunity had fallen through, assuming she'd be discouraged and downcast in her continuing unemployment. She responded simply, confidently, calmly: "Another chance to see God come through!" Another chance to see God come through - her words stuck with me. Whatever trial I'm facing: another chance to see God come through! My heartache over brokenness this side of heaven: another chance to see God come through! Another mundane morning at home: another chance to see God come through! Every diagnosis or disappointment: another chance to see God come through! This phrase has the potential and the power to alter perspective, to offer unending hope, to redirect the trajectory of a life. I must teach my soul to believe it and repeat it in the midst of darkness and despair...another chance to see God come through! "Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God." Psalm 42:11