Self-Control

“The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.” Matthew 26:41

“I’m struggling with anger,” I told my husband on our walk a few weeks back. Of course, he already knew. He’d seen it firsthand and been the one covering for my weakness, gentleness rising within him while I went off in a huff.

But to verbalize this out loud felt freeing - to confess my utter lack of self control. “I don’t know what to do.” And I really didn’t - I’d been quick to speak and become angry, and slow to listen. I could fake it in the presence of other people, but alone at home with my kids...my flesh was showing its ugly face. My mind knew I was out of line, my heart felt convicted, but between the hormones and bad habits, any self control that I thought I possessed was proving to be non-existent.

In certain seasons of motherhood, I so closely identify with Paul in Romans: “So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?” (Romans 7:21-24).

The spirit is willing but the flesh is oh, so weak and volatile (Matthew 26:41). The very things I don’t want to do…I find myself doing them. The very mom I don’t want to be…I am often her to a tee: angry, short, impulsive, and impatient. And unfortunately this is not a rare occurrence - it’s no secret that I frequently need some serious help from the Spirit in the self control department.

But here’s the hope for us: the fruit of the Spirit is not the fruit of the flesh. It comes from One who is outside of us, who dwells within us - and only His power can overcome the flesh and the sin and the sad state of our humanity apart from Jesus. Here’s what Paul says as he continues on in Romans 7-8: “Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!...Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death” (Romans 7:25, Romans 8:1).

We cannot restrain ourselves or stand against temptation in our own strength. In our flesh, we will fail every time. We cannot fake the fruit of the Spirit. But if we stop feigning the fruit and start following Jesus more desperately, maybe the fruit will grow naturally from the True Source.

And there’s more good news: the Spirit works not in our strength, but in our weakness - when we acknowledge our inability to live up to all that Jesus calls us to be, He comes in swift and strong, revealing Himself through us. It’s as God says to Paul in 2 Corinthians 12:9: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” When we admit we are weak and stop striving in our own strength, then we are actually strong because we are finally fully dependent on God. That is when the Spirit can fill us with His fullness, His fruit overflowing from our hearts.

And so as we close out this series on the fruit of the Spirit, here’s what I’ve learned: all the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control in our lives come only from Jesus - He is the Key and the King of all of these characteristics. They rise and fall together as we refuse self reliance and instead depend wholeheartedly on the Spirit.

So may we keep in step with the Spirit this summer, submitting to His lead so that we do not gratify the desires of the flesh (Galatians 5:16-25). He is more than able to bring forth good fruit in our lives and mothering.