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“He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger’s voice.” John 10:3-5 Pink eye was circulating our house a couple of weeks ago (that was after the colds and before the stomach bug 😂), and Eden woke one night screaming because her eye was stuck shut. Blake rushed into the pitch black room to calm her: “Eden, it’s okay honey.” And immediately, she was quiet and comforted. Even though she couldn’t see Blake, the sound of his voice changed everything instantly. And so it is with our Good Shepherd: we know He is near because He speaks to us. He leads us by his voice, calling each of us by name. (I imagine Him calling each of us by a nickname, the one He has chosen especially for us.) And once He has called us to Himself, He goes before us, leading the way with His voice so that we know where to go next. But here’s the question: Do we know His voice when we hear it? Are we able to differentiate between His voice and that of a stranger? We learn His voice first by learning His Word - His beautiful, powerful, precious Word. It is full of wisdom (Matthew 7:24) and it is the weapon we have been given to fight with (the sword of the Spirit, Ephesians 6:17). It is sweet like honey on our lips (Psalm 119:103), a lamp to our feet and a light to our path (Psalm 119:105). It is Truth - alive and active and everlasting (John 17:17, Hebrews 4:12, Isaiah 40:8). But…if I’m honest…there have been many seasons in motherhood where it has felt so hard to open the Word: when I’m sleep deprived or overwhelmed at all there is to do. When I’m wrestling with the sacrifices required by motherhood or frustrated that I can’t just sit down and read when I want to. And yet…we must fight against this, pressing on and increasing our intake of God’s Word however we are able to in our current season of motherhood (this will definitely take creativity, intentionality and perseverance!). We need his Word, the voice of the Good Shepherd, ESPECIALLY as we run the marathon of motherhood. We need His guidance, comfort and wisdom. We need to be reminded of His promises and Truth. We need to keep growing in His Word because it will never return void: it will produce good fruit in us and through us (Isaiah 55:11). (find practical ideas for turning to the Word in motherhood here) The Good Shepherd also speaks to us through the Holy Spirit, who whispers Truth to us and provides guidance. He is our Comforter and our Advocate, and He reminds us of the words of Jesus (John 14:26, 15:26, 16:13). His voice will never contradict the Word of God. It will never condemn us, but will convict us and lead us back to our Good Shepherd and the flock so that we can live in shalom and safety once more. As we know our Good Shepherd longer and spend more time with Him, His voice will become clearer to us. I admire how one of my sweet mom friends leads her two young children - when they are upset or acting out, she draws them near, takes them away from others present, and whispers to them. She whispers tender words of comfort and reminds them of Truth. This reminds me of how God desires to speak to us - He longs to draw us close, intimately address our specific situations and needs, and remind us of who we are and who He is. The problem is…our world is ever growing more noisy, with voices bombarding us from every direction. There is no lack of “strangers” to follow. And John 10:5 reminds us: we must “run away” from a stranger’s voice, from any voice that is not that of the Good Shepherd! We must tune them out and turn away, trusting in the voice of the Good Shepherd instead. This might look like distancing yourself from social media for a season, or shutting off the show that isn’t benefiting your thought life. This might mean taking a break from your favorite podcasts for a week and listening to God in silence instead (this is my action step! 🙈). This might mean cutting out something in your schedule (even if it is something “good”) so that you have margin to read the Word of God daily. We must habitually make space for time in the Word and silence so that we can listen to Jesus. Only then will we become so intimately familiar with the voice of the Good Shepherd that we flee at the sound of any other voice. As we model this for our children, may they come to see the worth of the Word and the whispers of the Good Shepherd. May we teach them what the Good Shepherd’s voice sounds like so that they can know when to lean in and listen, and when to turn and flee from a stranger’s voice. I’m praying that as you spend time with Jesus this week, you would hear His voice leading you clearly as you run the marathon of motherhood.

“Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it?” Luke 15:4 Bedtime is when everything can unravel in our home. I am (beyond) done. I have poured out all my reserves, my kids are stalling, and I am counting the minutes until I can take a shower because it’s been too many days (but I won’t disclose how many 😂). And time after time I come to the Father after that blessed shower, after I have snapped at the kids during the bedtime routine, and I just need my Good Shepherd to find me. I just need Him to pursue me and pour out His love on me - to remind me who He is and who I am. And he does - again and again and again (because motherhood is hard….again and again and again). This Good Shepherd finds us, his sheep. He is motivated by Love - there is nothing in this for Him. He pursues us wholeheartedly and is committed to protecting us - his vulnerable, messy, sinful sheep. Shepherding is sourced in love: In A Shepherd’s Look at Psalm 23, Keller describes the motivation of the Good Shepherd this way: “All the care, all the work, all the alert watchfulness, all the skill, all the concern, all the self-sacrifice are born of His love - the love of One who loves His sheep, loves His work, loves His role as a Shepherd” (118). Despite our own weaknesses and neediness, the Good Shepherd does everything possible to take care of us and provide an abundance for us, His sheep. The Good Shepherd works not for personal benefit but rather endures many inconveniences on behalf of his sheep. His sole desire is to protect them, nourish them, and see them flourish and thrive. “All the care…work…alert watchfulness…skill…concern…self-sacrifice…” Does this not sound exactly like motherhood to you? 😂 And in the midst of all that we do and endure for our children it is unbelievably difficult to maintain sight of the grander picture and give continually to our kids out of a place of love. (ESPECIALLY, I would add, in survival-mode seasons or after a rough night of sleep 😴). My tendencies: grumbling, frustration, excessive sighing and selfishness. I am so insufficient in this shepherding business. I need my Good Shepherd to give me a heart of flesh instead of stone (Ezekiel 36:26) - because my heart can harden so quickly when my little lambs are seemingly so needy. I need Him to sustain me by His Spirit and give me what I need for each day (manna) so that I can love my kids. I need Him to remind me of the greater purpose of motherhood, which often feels messy and mundane. I need Him to give me love for this assignment of motherhood so that I take up the task with excitement and gratitude and awe rather than grumbling. And thank goodness He does - He meets us in our lack and finds us in our lostness and supplies for our needs so that we can give our kids just a glimpse of His Greater Love. Shepherding is active, not passive: You can find the shepherd in Luke 15 pacing the pastures, counting the sheep, watching for predators. At all times. I’m imagining this shepherd scarcely sleeping - he is vigilant and watchful. He “goes after” the sheep that is lost “until he finds it.” He is a persistent pursuer, concerned with protecting his sheep from dangers (and from themselves and their own folly). And this is how God, our Good Shepherd, pursues us and our children: with a concern for our wellbeing and a desire to be reunited with us and to restore us to the flock; with urgency and deep concern that motivates him to search for hours “until he finds [us].” How can we pursue our children like our Good Shepherd? We “go after” our sheep through prayer: we intercede for them day and night. We pray for protection over them from the enemy, encircling them in our prayers. We pray for wisdom and discernment to know how to pursue them - to receive insight into their love languages and relational needs so that we can love them how they need to be loved. We pray for their hearts to be soft and receptive towards the things of God. We pray that they would see and know that Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. We play offense and defense through our prayers. We also pursue our children “until we find them:” we pursue them through a thousand intentional interactions and conversations. We pursue them even when it feels like we aren’t getting through to them - over years and years of reaching out over and over again. We press on through exhaustion and discouragement and rejection. We persevere. We continue to count our sheep and go after the one who is in a place of lostness or neediness, and we take the initiative to go to them just as our Good Shepherd came to us. This week, may the Good Shepherd show you how He is pursuing you through His love in a myriad of ways that you might have a renewed vision for your assignment of motherhood and energy to extend His pursuing love to your little ones.

“He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young” (Isaiah 40:11). “He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart….” My youngest daughter, Kinley, is extremely maternal - she frequently scoops her babies into her arms and walks around the house shushing them and cuddling them. She will sit silently and hold them for minutes at a time, focused on the task of caring for her little ones. The Good Shepherd is like this - He has a special place for the lambs - “close to his heart.” He is a tender-hearted Shepherd, and the littlest ones are precious to him. He is focused on their well-being, caring for them in such a way that they will thrive. This gentle nature of our Good Shepherd encourages me: I can entrust my kids into His care. He holds them, He knows them, He made them. He alone is aware of all of their needs before they even ask. May we release the responsibility of carrying all of the needs and wants of our children on our shoulders - the Good Shepherd carries our kids close to his heart and He will provide for them. We can also draw our children close to our hearts as the Good Shepherd does - listening to them, creating distraction-free spaces where we can learn how they are really doing. I imagine this kind of “gathering” and “carrying close” will look different for each child and will change with age, but I believe they will always need this kind of attentive care from us. One of my daughters said to me last week, “I feel like you aren’t spending enough time with me” - ouch!!! 😭 That hurt to hear - but after taking her on a date on Saturday I feel that I was able to draw her close, and I pray it made her feel cared for and seen! 🙏🏻💕 “…He gently leads those that have young” The Good Shepherd leads us….gently. US - the mothers, “those that have young” - He is gentle with us, not harsh or critical. Do you believe that? He looks at you with eyes full of grace and compassion. He has a special concern for you, and knows you need to be led gently on this marathon of motherhood. What a relief, what a gift, that our Good Shepherd would lead us with such tenderness at a pace we can manage. And not only is He gentle, but He leads us. He will never leave us behind - He will always lead us. We don’t have to know the way because He knows the way (and He IS The Way). A shepherd uses his staff to guide his sheep - Keller lays it out like this in A Shepherd’s Look at Psalm 23: “Again and again, I have seen a shepherd use his staff to guide his sheep gently into a new path or through some gate or along dangerous, difficult routes. He does not use it to actually beat the beast. Rather, the tip of the long slender stick is laid gently against the animal’s side, and the pressure applied guides the sheep in the way the owner wants it to go. Thus the sheep is reassured of its proper path.” (86). The Good Shepherd guides us by His Spirit, lovingly and clearly providing direction to ensure that we go the way we are supposed to. The Spirit is our Comforter, our Wonderful Counselor, our Advocate - gently leading us through this life and along our journeys of motherhood. The nature of our Good Shepherd reminds me to lead my children gently - not with harshness or pride, not with anger or intimidation. We must allow ourselves to be led by the Good Shepherd that we might lead with a spirit of gentleness. I have found that the measure of grace I have for myself is often the measure of grace I will extend to my children - am I being gracious and gentle with myself in this season? Am I receiving the grace of God that I might extend it to my kids? We can be gracious with our kids because God has been gracious to us. We can draw our kids close because we have been held by God Himself. We cannot expect too much from these little lambs or drive them too hard, but rather we can offer to them what we have received from God - this gentle care coupled with leadership and guidance. I’m so thankful that our Good Shepherd is gentle and compassionate with us. May our mothering reflect this gracious and careful leadership that we might lead our lambs straight into His arms.

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will not fear because you are with me…” Psalm 23:4 My middle child is currently my clingy one, holding onto my legs while I make dinner, asking me to accompany her everywhere (including to the bathroom) - “Come with me!” is her constant cry. And it’s easy for me to become irritated at this (“Josie, you can go to the bathroom by yourself!”), but I think her desire speaks to the need in all of us for the presence of one that makes us feel safe and seen. Psalm 23 can feel like a lullaby - it’s beautiful, calming, but also so familiar that it’s easy to miss its meaning. This psalm gives us this picture of God as our Shepherd - providing sustenance, rest, guidance, protection, and blessing. But the heartbeat of the poem is what lies at the very center, with 26 Hebrew words falling before and after it: “for Thou art with me.” The Good Shepherd’s presence is the punch line of this psalm, and this makes everything else in the psalm matter: God is with us - He provides His Presence, His very self. In A Shepherd’s Look at Psalm 23, author Philip Keller discusses how his presence impacted his sheep: “I came to realize that nothing so quieted and reassured the sheep as to see me in the field. The presence of their master and owner and protector put them at ease as nothing else could, and this applied day and night” (25). He then goes on to compare this to our experience as followers of the Good Shepherd: “In the Christian’s life there is no substitute for the keen awareness that our Shepherd is nearby. There is nothing like Christ’s presence to dispel the fear, the panic, the terror of the unknown…His presence in the picture throws a different light on the whole scene” (26). The Presence of the Good Shepherd changes everything. He provides us with everything we need, but the provision of His Presence is what leaves a lasting impact on us, His sheep, settling us and setting us apart from the sheep in any other shepherd’s pasture. And so in light of God being this Good Shepherd who provides His presence, I’m asking myself: what kind of presence am I for my children? How does my presence make them feel? How does it change the atmosphere of my home? How will they remember my presence? And I’m realizing that the extent to which I have been present with the Good Shepherd is the extent to which I will be present in the way I want to be for my children: peaceful, not anxious. Joyful, not despairing. Grateful, not grumbling. Patient, not hurrying. Humble, not haughty. Self-controlled, not angry. Kind, not critical. We must cling to the Good Shepherd so that we can be reassured and refreshed by His presence - only then will our presence bless and benefit our kids in the way we so desire. We must live in the range of His shadow and in reach of His staff, that His Presence might transform the way that we are present in our homes, our marriages, our workplaces, and our world. How our anxious and broken world is desperate for the presence of those who have been marked by the Presence of the Good Shepherd! May we be the clingiest of sheep in the pasture - greedy for the Presence of the Good Shepherd to surround us and transform us. And may our presence mirror His Presence - providing a safe place for our children and blessing them in ways that they will not soon forget.

“For ‘you were like sheep going astray,’....” (1 Peter 2:25) I see how my kids are like sheep, these little lambs: prone to wander and stray, struggling to obey. Completely dependent on me to provide for them, to guide them, to lead them and love them. And how I wish I could outgrow being a “sheep” - I’m a mom, after all, in charge of these little humans, and I’m mature, right?! 😂 - but the truth is, I am prone to all the same things. I am stubborn and easily afraid, frequently wandering and losing my way. I am easily distracted and sometimes disobedient. And if I’m honest, a lot of the time I have no idea how to lead these little lambs that have been left in my care. And Lent finds us here: wandering like sheep gone astray, weary of winter, trying to find meaning between the joy of the Christmas season and the allure of summer fun. And the Good Shepherd doesn’t leave us here, but holds out His hand, offering to lead the way. Through this season of Lent, He reminds us of who we are and who He is and how He wants to shepherd us, if only we will let Him. He wants to show us we can trust Him completely - this Good Shepherd who carries us and cares deeply, who is always with us, who sees us and knows us and loves us. A Shepherd’s Look at Psalm 23 is this beautiful little book providing a new perspective on the well-known psalm, and it lends us insight into image of us as sheep and God as our Shepherd: “Sheep can, under mismanagement, be the most destructive livestock. In short order they can ruin and ravage land almost beyond remedy. But in bold contrast they can, on the other hand, be the most beneficial of all livestock if properly managed” (119). Author W. Phillip Keller also emphasizes, “Under one man sheep would struggle, starve and suffer endless hardship. In another’s care they would flourish and thrive contentedly” (4). It is only under the Good Shepherd’s care that we will thrive, not just survive. It is only under His care that we will be healthy and whole, leaving a wake of blessing wherever we go - both as mothers and beyond that as women of God. We must make this conscious choice to come under the leadership of the Good Shepherd, recognizing and receiving His provision and guidance and care that we might be properly fit to feed our own lambs, to shepherd the sheep that He has given us to steward for a season. In the following weeks, we will take a look at the Good Shepherd throughout Scripture and consider how we can learn from Him, lean into His guidance and lead our children like He leads us. I pray this series will encourage you and point you to Him as we approach the glory of Easter Morning. “For ‘you were like sheep going astray,’ but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls” (1 Peter 2:25) - these next weeks of Lent, may we return to our Good Shepherd, allowing Him to shepherd us so that we can learn how to best lead our sheep.

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 Discontentment is an ever-present temptation, a constant threat. It lurks around the corner of every transition and casts a shadow on every season of motherhood. It follows me through every stage and circumstance, tapping me on the shoulder. "The grass is greener on the other side," it whispers. Discontentment perpetuates this scarcity mindset within me, "There's not enough for me." It convinces me that I am a victim and celebrates with me as I throw yet another pity party. Discontentment turns my head in the direction of other moms, encouraging me to compare every part of my life to theirs. It lures my eyes away from what is true and present and real, prompting me to imagine what could be or what would've been. Discontentment is a potent poison and a tactic of the enemy - to steal joy, to kill hope, to destroy abundant life (John 10:10). We must instead contend for contentment - receiving what He has given instead of refusing to "rejoice always." As much as we'd like to think otherwise, true contentment is not a product of circumstance but rather perspective. Contentment is the only way to circumvent our circumstances - allowing us to experience joy and peace despite what what is going on around us. It is the great secret of the Christian mom - that in spite of hardship, weakness, sleep deprivation, limitations, work schedules or physical pain, we could still, somehow, supernaturally, be content and "count it all joy" (James 1:2). For this is God's will for you: not a particular career path or life decision, but to "rejoice always, pray continually, and give thanks in all circumstances." The antidote to the poison of discontentment is praise - placing all of our value and worth in Jesus instead of in what this world has to offer. Rejoicing and praying and pressing forward in gratitude despite how we might feel. Praise is the weapon we must wield against the daggers of discontentment. This is going to take practice - it is not going to come naturally to us. Learning contentment is a process as day by day, hour by hour, we learn to depend on Jesus instead of allowing ourselves to be blown and tossed by the waves of our surroundings. It is as Paul shares in his letter to the Philippians: "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength." (Philippians 4:12-13). Paul learned contentment through complete dependence on God and His strength. He encountered many difficult circumstances as he followed Jesus - his contentment was not found in comfort or ease. It was in Paul's lack and weakness that he found contentment, discovering God to be strong enough and sufficient for him. Contentment is something worth contending for - that our children and the world might see the goodness of God through us: our gratitude, our joy, our peace, our contentment in Him. May we find satisfaction in Jesus, even in the struggles that each season of motherhood brings, as we depend fully on Him. And at the end of the day, may be able to say along with Paul: "I can do all this through him who gives me strength."

The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever. Isaiah 40:8 The very act of opening your Bible in the morning, for a moment or two or as much time as your little ones allow - it is a simple decision that can change the course of your day, the direction of your gaze. But it can feel so hard in the moment - like swimming upstream, fighting the current. This Book is your very life and breath and daily bread. It is the Source that will sustain you in the mundane of this season. It is the Sword of the Spirit, alive and active, dividing soul and spirit, bone and marrow. Your weapon to wield and words that will heal. It is timely and timeless, eternal and true. Honey on your lips and a light for your path. But....it feels hard. We are busy and bruised and barely making it through the day. Our children are clinging and needing and wanting and we are but one person, trying to hold a home together… The enemy will resist you daily - it will seem that there are a million things that need to be done in that moment when you open the Word of God. Your motivation will wane and your mind will wander and he will do whatever it takes to pull you away. For the sake of yourself and your little ones, stay the course. Open the Book - you need this more than life itself. More than breath. With all that motherhood is pulling out of you, you need to be steeped in this Book of Life - the only words that will stand to the very end. You will find the wisdom, energy and hope for your day there. Just ask Him - you will. Jesus, may your Word be my delight. May I rejoice in your Word. May I read it, sing it, meditate on it day and night. Your Word will never return void, and so whatever time I spend in it will never be wasted. It will produce good and beautiful things in me and through me - more than I could ever dream or imagine. And so may I cling to your Word. What a privilege to own a copy, to be able to open it freely. What a gift - this access to listen, to learn, to linger in your word. May I not take it for granted, but rather take advantage of every opportunity to soak in this gift - the very word of God given to us. "Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in your law" (Psalm 119:18).

"For when you are weak, then you are strong." 2 Corinthians 12:10 The world will call weakness your enemy. In a culture that promotes strength and independence in a variety of forms, we are called to hide our fragility and project an image of perfection and poise. God frames weakness in an entirely different way - as a gift, a friend, a privilege. Weakness is your friend. Your limitations, your hardship, your struggles, your sleeplessness - they are a gift from God. They are handpicked for you - this loving God bestowing brokenness as gift, as grace - “For when you are weak, then you are strong” (2 Corinthians 12:10). Weakness drives you to your knees, on your face before the God who sees. And He responds with gentleness and compassion: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (v. 9). Weakness reminds you where your true treasure lies: in the hope of heaven. It protects you from pride and prevents you from believing that you are self-sufficient. Weakness drives you to your knees, keeps you bending low and depending instead of pretending you have it all under control. Weakness relocates your gaze from the mirror to His eyes. So may we cease fighting against our weaknesses, striving for independence and projecting an image of strength. May we stop despising weakness and start delighting in it. For “God uses the weak things of the world to shame the strong” that we might boast in Him alone (1 Corinthians 1:27). May Christ’s power rest on us to strengthen and shelter us in the midst of our wrestling with weakness. He will not waste any of our weakness as we hand it to Him. We may even begin to see it as it is - friend, not foe.

In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, LORD, make me dwell in safety. Psalm 4:8 "Sometimes, the most holy thing you can do is take a nap." I heard this in college - it seemed like a somewhat funny saying that carried some truth. A nice quip to share with students once I was working in campus ministry and teaching them how to rest and take a Sabbath. And then, I became a mom and my world turned upside down. As my firstborn entered the scene, I resisted sleep. I wanted to maintain what I had pre-kids - free time, time with my husband, a clean home and a workout routine. And so whenever my baby slept, I remained wide-eyed, frantically trying to finish the tasks I so desperately wanted to complete. And I was left drained, sleep-deprived, desperate for control. I was a shell of myself and a "mom-bie" if there ever was one. I am realizing even as I write this that my sleep strike originated in stubbornness and pride. I was refusing to submit to the season of life that the Lord had me in, resisting His will and His way. And so, I suffered for it - physically, relationally, spiritually - because I was beyond tired for months at a time, if not years. With each baby I've done a little bit better - taking naps, going to bed early, realizing that the need for sleep is innate and relinquishing my fight against God's design of our bodies. My sleep journey has been one of learning dependence - day by day learning to surrender my schedule for the sake of rest, for the sake of remaining healthy and living in the shalom God intended for me. "Sometimes, the most holy thing you can do is take a nap." I can now declare: this statement is true. It is revolutionary and life-changing as a mom. The choice to sleep can be total surrender, a sacrifice offered to God. This is what the decision to sleep communicates to God: "I am dependent on you, God. I cease my working and my striving. I choose to live within my limits - this body that binds me and needs to rest. I release my burdens and worries, leaving my life to You while I sleep." Sleep is dependence at its finest - complete and total surrender. In a culture where we crave control, where we pride ourselves on our productivity, we must resist the idols of independence and self-sufficiency. We must shut down our devices, shut our eyes, and shut out the world - this can be the most holy and humble choice of all. Will you join me in depending on God with your sleep schedule today?

And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 3:18 Motherhood has been like a mirror for my soul, revealing what truly resides in my heart. It has shaken me and stretched me beyond myself, forcing my sin and shortcomings to bubble up to the surface. My kids are the cutest little vessels by which the Lord has chosen to sanctify me. I've realized along the journey of motherhood that I am desperate for this sanctification that Jesus works in me through my kids. I might even need my kids more than they need me... -I need my kids to interrupt me - to remind me that my time is not my own, and that sometimes interruptions are God's intervention. -I need them to splatter food on the walls and spill milk on the floor so that I remember that all of this is temporary, and this world is not my home. -I need my kids to drive me crazy, forcing me to reckon with my own impatience, anger, and lack of self-control. -I need them to wake me up at night and rise early in the morning to remind me that it is God who grants sleep and sustains me. -I need them to slow me down, to cure me of my tendency to hurry so that I notice the people and things that the Lord has placed in my path. -I need them to pull my hair and climb all over me and spit up on my clothes to humble me and protect me from my pride. -I need my kids to drive me to my knees over and over again so I won't forget my dependence on the Lord, my inability to do motherhood on my own. I've realized that what I desire isn't necessarily what I need. What I desire is "peace" and quiet, more time alone, the next season or stage, or a different schedule. What I need is more time with the Lord, a thankful heart, an eternal perspective, and daily dependence on the Lord in the midst of the chaos. Jesus satisfies my deepest desires when I come to Him instead of fighting for my own superficial wants/"needs." I thank God for these girls who are forcing me to loosen my grip on all the things that don't really matter and are aiding me in my growth from glory to glory. The Holy Spirit will not waste this season - He is forming us into the image of Jesus with every interaction we have with our children. May we turn to Him in this hard and holy work and allow Him to use our children to shape and mold us. How we need Him (and our kids!) to sanctify us through and through!

If dependence is the ultimate goal in all things, then everything changes. Anything that causes us to depend becomes our friend. The many sacrifices of motherhood. Hard seasons in marriage. Difficult in-laws. Working. Resting. Friendships. Health conditions. Finances. Burdens become blessings because they drive us to our knees and to the Father. Weaknesses are welcomed because they remind us that we are needy, they keep us relying on Him for all things. We see our lives through a new lens when we desire dependence: we are grateful even for the hardships we once despised. We are able to accept what God has given, trusting that He knows what is best and will carry us through. Trusting that is more blessed to walk in dependence than in self-reliance. If we are desperate for dependence, for more of Jesus....everything changes. Motherhood involves less sulking and more surrender. Marriage becomes more about serving than selfishness. We are more concerned with intimacy with the Father than self-sufficiency. So may dependence be our new definition of success. May it be the highest goal, our deepest desire, our greatest prize - and may it truly change everything as we walk in weakness and depend on Jesus for all things.

There’s a fresh surge of self-sufficiency rising up around this time of year. The subtle lies snake their way across screens and into souls: “This is your year!” “You can do anything!” Disguised as resolutions is this rush of self-reliance; this desire to do it all, perform, perfect and achieve. I convince myself we are going to have the healthiest, most fun, family-oriented, God-centered year EVER. And I’m going to be the best mom EVER this year ;) It seems innocent and noble enough. But with each resolution on my list, my heart drifts from dependence on God and I start to feel in a way…invincible. Self-sufficient. It’s exhilarating - this illusion that I am in control. And it leaves me making plans without praying. Making lists without listening to God. Making goals without considering my soul. Making resolutions without releasing my desires. This year, I’m trying something different - rethinking my resolutions, reordering the process and relinquishing control. I’m going to pray before I make any plans. I’m going to delay the lists and goals and start by bending my knees, depending and surrendering, asking God this question: “What do you have for me in 2024?” And I’m going to actually take the time to sit and listen and be with God as we start this year. I’m intrigued and hesitant and frightened and excited all at the same time - but I'm expecting God to speak! I'd love for you to join me! How I'm processing the old & new as we start the year: Perceive Ask God: How do you perceive my past year? Ask yourself: How did I grow in 2023? What did I grieve last year (tangible or intangible - loss, transition, unmet expectations, unfulfilled desires)? Receive Ask God: What do you have for me in 2024? Ask yourself: What do I need to release so that I can receive what God has for me? (expectations, uses of time/money/energy, dreams, desires, plans) Believe Ask God: What dreams do you want to conceive in my heart in the coming year? Ask yourself: What am I believing God for in 2024?